Start I want to have dirty sex chat with a woman

I want to have dirty sex chat with a woman

This, again, was kind of fine but then he started calling me a “silly little cunt” and genuinely used the phrase “you’re so dirty, if I was an EDL skin-head you would still want this”.

I had been seeing this girl for a few weeks and it seemed as if it had run its course, so I did the honourable thing and stopped replying to her texts altogether.

A bit of context, someone had stalked her home the week before and grabbed her, so it seemed like she was genuinely in peril.

Ever the knight in shining armour, I got straight in a cab to go rescue her (twenty five pounds).

I waddled over to the door with just my socks on and said “please mate 10 more minutes”, but Charlie was having none of it, and said it was his flat (he had a point to be fair). The next two hours we brought each other water, swapping in and out, taking notes on speed, posture and stamina.

I woke up in the morning spooning Charlie, had breakfast with Flora and she proceeded to ask me for Charlie’s number.

We stumbled in the door violently pulling, tore each others clothes off and got at it.

Ten minutes in there’s a banging on the door — shit Charlie is back.

It turned out she was fine, and she had made the whole thing up to get me to come over.